Theodore Bugg had made England
what she is.
The last forty-two years had
elevated him from errand-boy
to biggest retail grocer in
the Midlands. Twenty-eight years
of wedded happiness had left
him with a clear conscience,
a five-year old grave to keep
in order, To the Memory of
My Beloved Relict* as he
had written until the clerk
suggested a trifling alteration,
and a strapping daughter just
turned twenty.
I wish I could stop here. But
there is a rough side to every
canvas, and Theodore Bugg had
forgotten all about England,
and what she is, and how he
had made her. Or if the good
work was going on, it was subconscious.
He was standing by the gilded
statue of Jeanne d'Arc, his
mouth wide open, his Baedeker
limp in his perspiring hand.
"She's riding astride!"
The molten madness throbbed
in his brain. "She's got
man's clothes on!"
The shocking truth must out:
Theodore Bugg had come to Paris
for Pleasure!
He had only been able to spare
two days, the Sunday and Monday
of Whitsuntide. He had travelled
by the night boat on Saturday,
arriving in Paris on Sunday
morning --- the first step downward!
The air of Paris intoxicated
him; the Grands Boulevards ate
into his moral fibre like a
dragon chewing butter; and though
he had not actually 'been in'
anywhere, he felt the atmosphere
of the music-halls as Ulysses
heard the Sirens. He was fortunately
tied to the mast of his ignorance
of French and his fear of asking
anybody such a very peculiar
question, or he would certainly
have discovered and visited
the Moulin Rouge.
As it was, Joan of Arc was very
much more than was good for
him. He stared, fascinated as
by a basilisk, his eyes starting
further and further from his
head as his moral sense dragged
his body backwards along the
Rue de Rivoli. By this means
he cannoned into a worthy Frenchman
(who refused to take him seriously)
and so was shocked into himself.
He pulled out his watch. Only
an hour and a half to catch
his train. Just as he was beginning
to enjoy himself, too. What
a shame! He couldn't even send
a telegram without letting somebody
know where he was --- and at
home they supposed him to be
visiting a business acquaintance
in Shropshire.
I'll have a mementum, thought
he, if I die for it. I'll ---
I don't care. I may as well
be hung for a sheep as a lamb
--- I'll go the whole hog. I
know there's shops about here.
So, turning, in his excitement
and determination, he saw ---
when you invoke the devil he
is usually half-way to you ---
a shop window full of photographs
of the pictures and sculptures
of the Louvre. He looked up
and down the street --- the
sight of a top hat might have
saved him even at the eleventh
hour. But no! nothing that looked
in the least like an Englishman,
even to his overheated fear
of discovery. He peered and
dodged about for a little like
a man stalking dangerous game,
and then, with sudden stealth,
his back to the door, pushed
down the lever and slid into
the shop.
"Avvy-voo photographiay?"
he said hurriedly, with averted
face.
"Certainly, sir,"
replied the shopkeeper in perfect
English. "What does Monsieur
require? Photographs of Paris,
of Fontainebleau, of the Louvre,
of Versailles?"
But English would not serve
the turn of Theodore Bugg. He
nearly bolted from the shop.
An English voice --- it was
almost Discovery!
"Kerker shows," he
muttered doggedly enough, though
his head hung lower than ever.
"Kelker shows tray sho.
Voo savvy? --- tray tray sho
--- par propre!"
The shopman, not yet old enough
to master his disgust at the
familiar incident, brought forward
several books of photographs.
"Perhaps Monsieur will
find there what he requires,"
he said coldly.
Furtively and hurriedly, his
glance divided between the forbidden
book and the shop-door, his
only safguard from intrusion
the thought that nobody who
entered would be in a position
to throw stones at a fellow-culprit,
Theodore Bugg turned over the
pages.
The book began mildly enough
with the winged Victory and
only entered the rapids with
La Gioconda. Thence, Niagra-like,
one plunge to the abyss ---
the Venus de Milo.
The blood flamed to his face;
his breath came hot and quick.
With fumbling fingers that trembled
with excitement he withdrew
the photograph from its leaf
and half showed it to the proprietor
with a whispered "Comby-ang?"
"Trente sous,"
said the shopman in his most
rapid French. And in English,
"We take English money
here, sir. Ten shillings, if
you please. May I wrap it up
for you?"
But Bugg had thrust it into
his inner pocket, and, pressing
a sovereign into the man's hand,
dashed without looking behind
him from the shop, eager to
put time and space between himself
and his compromising position.
He hurried to his hotel, not
without many a suspicious glance
over his shoulder, and packed
his bag. He had ten minutes
to spare. He locked the door
carefully, sat down with his
back to the light, and pulling
the photograph from his pocket,
indulged in a long voluptuous
gloat.
Then the boots knocked with
the news of his cab, and Bugg,
nobler than Lord Howard of Effingham,
thrust his treasure into his
pocket, unlocked the door and
cried "Venny!"
II.
Theodore Bugg,
a year later, was paying the
price of his fall. He had allowed
Gertrude to attend Art Classes,
although he knew it to be wrong.
But he had grown to fear his
daughter, and --- on such a
point especially --- he was
incapable of fighting her.
For there were times when he
tried to persuade himself that
there was "nothing wrong
in it." A brother churchwarden
had looked a little askance
when the news of Gertrude's
"advanced ideas" had
come; but Theodore had stoutly
and even a little sternly rebuked
him with the original remark:
"To the pure all things
are pure." It was knowing
when to be bold that had made
Theodore the fine business man
he was.
And very bold it was, for conscience
makes cowards of us all. The
secret shame of his orgies!
Every week-night --- once even
on a Sunday! --- after everyone
had gone to bed, he opened the
little safe in the wall at the
head of his bed, and drew forth
the obscene picture from its
envelope marked: "In case
of my death or disability THIS
PACKET is to be DESTROYED UNOPENED.
T. Bugg."
Then he would sit, and hold
it in his hot hands, and gloat
upon the evil thing, lifting
it now and again to his mouth
to cover it with greedy, slobbering
kisses. And afterwards, when
it was safely locked up again,
he would undress with a certain
unction. Once even he attempted
--- with the aid of a bath towel
--- to take the pose before
the mirror. And he saw nothing
ridiculous in that, just as
he saw nothing beautiful in
the photograph. Nakedness is
lust: so ran his simple gospel
of aesthetics.
Shame quickened him, too, to
measures of expiation or precaution.
He read family prayers twice
a day instead of once, and he
took the chair at the Annual
Meeting of a Society for Sending
Out Trousers to Converted Hindoos.
As everybody in the Midlands
knows, "Hindoos" are
Naked Savages.
And he discharged a groom for
whistling on Sunday.
But if these expedients salved
his conscience, they did nothing
to quell Gertrude's incipient
tendency to independence of
thought and action. There had
been a very unpleasant scene
when he threw into the fire
a book from Mudie's (I thought
one could have trusted Mudie's!)
called 'The Stolen Bacillus,'
which he understood to be of
a grossly immoral tendency.
(Nasty filth about free love
or something, isn't it?)
Theodore Bugg was not a sensitive
man; excess of intuitive sympathy
had not made his life a hell;
but he felt that his domestic
relations were strained. Especially
since "that Mrs. Grahame"
had evinced a liking for Gertrude.
Her husband's colonelcy was
the gilding of the pill; but
the pill was a bitter one, for
Mrs. Grahame went motoring and
even golfing on Sunday instead
of going to Church, and once
or twice had taken Gertrude
with her, to the scandal of
the neighbourhood. Colonel Grahame,
too, rather got on Bugg's nerves,
in spite of the "honour
of his acquaintance."
Such thoughts went dully through
his mind as he waited in the
garden for his daughter to come
in to tea from the "Art
Class." But when she arrived,
portfolio in hand, her beauty
and the splendour of her long
easy swing determined him to
be gracious.
Under such circumstances conversation
is apt to be artificial; but
Gertrude was gay and garrulous,
and the tea went very pleasantly
until her father's eye unluckily
fell on the portfolio. "And
what has my little fairy been
doing lately?" he asked
with elephantine lightness.
"Oh, sketches mostly, father.
This week we're copying from
old Greek masterpieces, though.
Let me show you, father, dear."
She opened the portfolio and
turned over the leaves. "I'm
getting on splendidly. Mr.,
Davis thinks I ought to go to
Paris and study properly. Do
let me."
"How can you think of such
a thing, Gertrude? A daughter
of mine! Study properly!!! No
indeed! A little sketching is
a nice accomplishment for a
young lady, but ---"
His jaw dropped. A thin, graceful
pencil sketch it was that he
clutched in frenzied fingers;
but he could not mistake the
subject.
"Wretched girl," he
shouted, "where did you
get the --- the --- the ---
Damn it all, what d'ye call
it? --- the --- ay! that's it!
--- the model for this vile,
filthy, lewd, obscene, lustful
thing? Damn it! you're as bad
as Cousin Jenny! (Cousin Jenny
was a blot on the 'scutcheon
of the Buggs). You're a harlot,
miss!" And then, with an
awful change as the truth came
home to him: "O my God!
O my God! Damn it!" he
screamed, "how did you
get the keys of my little safe?"
The girl had frozen colder than
the stone, but there was a new
light in her eye, and if the
curl of a lip could tread a
worm into the dust, that lip
was hers and that worm the author
of her being. She had withdrawn
as one who comes suddenly upon
a toad, and the first flaming
of her face had died instantly
to deadlier ice.
Bugg saw his mistake, his masses
of mistakes. There being but
one more to make, he made it;
and, finding himself in the
frying-pan of discovery, leapt
into the fire of things irrevocable
and not to be forgotten. His
fat, heavy-jowled, coarse face
all twitching, he fell on his
knees and clasped his hands
together. "So you found
me out? Don't, don't give away
your poor old father, Gertie!
My little Gertie!"
There was a silence.
"Excuse me, father,"
said the girl at last, "but
I've just had a glimpse of you
for the first time in my life,
and it's a bit of a shock. I
must think."
And she stood motionless until
her hapless father attracted
her attention by backing into
his wicker chair. "Don't
touch holy things," she
snapped suddenly, taking the
sketch from his nerveless hand,
and replacing it reverently
in the portfolio.
The action seemed to decide
her.
"I'll give you an address
to send my things to,"
she said, and walked
out of the garden.
Theodore Bugg sat stunned. "Holy
things," she had said.
She called that lustful French
photograph holy! Was this Original
Sin; or was it that strange
new thing people were talking
about --- what was it? Ah! heredity.
Heredity? His secret sin become
her open infamy? Truly the sins
of the fathers were visited
on the children!
By this time he was upstairs
and in his bedroom. He must
destroy the accursed thing;
he must destroy --- Ah! yes.
He had contaminated Gertrude
by having such a thing in his
house. He must be the Roman
father, and --- what would a
Roman father do?
He had the match alight, but
he could not put it to the edge
of the packet. Then the silence
of the house hit him; he knew
that his daughter would never
return, and in a fit of rage
he trampled on the envelope
like a wild beast mauling a
corpse.
He thrust it into the empty
grate, lit the paper frills,
watched all blaze up. Then,
gulping down a sob, he went
to the drawer of a cabinet and
pulled out the revolver which
he had bought (and loaded, under
the shopman's guidance) against
burglars.
Yes, he must kill himself. He
drew back the hammer. Cold sweat
beaded his flabby face. He could
not; and anyhow, how did one?
He thought of many stories of
people who had shot themselves
ineffectively. He felt for his
heart and failed to find it,
wondered if it had stopped and
he were dying, had a fit of
fear paralysing all his will.
He thought of himself lying
dead.
"No, by God! I can't do
it!" he cried, and flung
the pistol back into the drawer.
As luck would have it, the weapon
exploded. The bullet broke his
jaw, tore away four molars,
smashed the cheek-bone, pulped
the right eye, and, glancing
from the frontal bone, found
its billet in the ceiling. He
lost consciousness and fell.
His head struck the grate where
yet smouldered the ashes of
the photograph.
It was three months before he
recovered, and then with only
half a face to face the world
with. He still thinks that Gertrude
gave him away, for the street-boys
have taken to calling him "old
Venus." But he is wrong;
the boys have their aesthetic
reasons for the name.
Gertrude in any case is much
too busy to bother her head
about him; for, after a year
in the Latin Quarter, if she
has failed to surpass Degas
and Manet and O'Conor, she has
at least conquered the great
pianist Wlodywewsky, and it
takes her all her time to manage
him and keep the baby out of
mischief.
Theodore Bugg needs no help
of hers in his moral sculpture
of the destinies of England.
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